But, now that I have this virus, and I am fully aware of the impact it has had on my body (I've had painful symptoms non-stop for months!
), my question is, how can I possibly put anyone that I love and care about in this position?
Up until then, my sex life had been defined by the question “What’s wrong with me? I was diagnosed with endometriosis, vulvodynia, and vaginismus — aka Vagina Problems.
And, one of the greatest dichotomies is that the VERY thing, for me, that demonstrates my true love for a man is to have an intimate sexual relationship with him.
I've given myself to very few men over the years, and one of these very few men (who happens to be married, but we are in an open relationship together with his wife's consent, we are essentially "friends with benefits"); well, he was someone that I've always believed cared for me. And what makes this whole situation even worse is that he TOLD me he had it and I didn't take any precautions to protect myself. I've even told my friends that "he didn't know he had it" because I can't even admit to myself that I didn't look out for myself the way I should have.
Dear Colette, my question is a bit "heavy" and I hope you are willing to help me with it, because it is totally messing with my body, my heart, my head, with my confidence, with my ability to believe that it's possible for anyone to ever love me again, or ever want to risk being with me because of the physical and psychological impact.
I wish it weren't true, but I have contracted the virus for genital herpes.
They engage in hot, sweaty, intellectual conversations about Proust.